A simple mindfulness practice to boost resiliency for difficult change

Here's something that was a little disheartening to see and at the same time, when I saw the audience's responses, I was so happy I was there to help.

I was grateful to speak to a group at Capgemini - a large, multinational organization. I asked the audience this question:

"Think about one significant change in your life. How disruptive does it feel?" 15 out of 17 people said their change felt very disruptive to their lives. (8, 9 or 10 out of a scale of 10)

I did not ask what the nature of the audience's changes were but I do know one thing for sure: when significant change or difficulty hits your life, it can feel gigantic and impactful. Sometimes it's hard to enjoy life, concentrate and feel effective in your life.

Granted, this was not a large sample size, but the point is that a lot of people, especially these days, are feeling overwhelmed with difficulties and challenges in their lives. Perhaps many are suffering 'silently' and keep living in torment day after day. When we feel such a high degree of disruption, that's when our stress and anxiety can go through the roof, and it's hard to feel in control and at ease in life.

We've all probably heard the phrase 'when change happens in your life, what's the one thing you have control over?' -- the answer is: You have control over your reaction to the change.

However, although the question has been rather over-used in recent years, the point is still very valid, and I like to take it a step further by teaching ways to apply mindfulness directly to our changes that are practical and helpful.

Mindfulness is often misunderstood as only being 'present and aware' and sitting in meditation. Meditation isn't that easy for many people or there isn't enough time in the time for meditation.

What I personally find that is very effective in dealing with life's difficulties is applying micro-practices of mindfulness during my waking day and in-the-moment when I'm dealing with a stressor.

In the workshops that I offer to groups, I focus on such micro-practices that are directly applicable to the situation, so it is helpful NOW, in the moment. It doesn't require seated meditation.

I'm not going to write about the very common ways to practice mindfulness, such as mindful breathing (even though that's a great practice!), I'd rather address one impactful concept in this article . . .

A simple micro mindfulness practice you can try right away

Here is how you can apply the mindfulness concept of Being with What Is to your challenges.

Definition:

First, allow me to briefly define what Being with What Is actually is. I think many would say it means 'going with the flow and accepting thing as they are'. I feel we have to be careful here, because in my humble opinion, this statement is not accurate or complete on it's own.  I like to better describe it like this:

'Being with What is' means to acknowledge and recognize what is happening (no denial). It does not mean passively resigning ourselves to a situation and does not imply non-action. It means not getting stuck, not clinging, and allowing you to keep moving forward, anyway. It cultivates adaptability and resilience to change and adversity.

How to apply 'Being with What Is' -- actually, there is better word for this . . .

To me, the better way to refer to this concept is 'co-existing'.

Can you 'co-exist' with a difficult situation, and move forward, anyway?

Co-exist. Co-exist. Co-exist.

This is a concept I teach in my workshops because it can really work well for most people. I often hear the comment 'this is a great perspective to take' and 'what a helpful mindshift!'

• Can you co-exist with what is happening and not get so caught up in it, and keep moving forward, anyway?

• Can you 'be' in presence with the difficulty, and keep moving forward, anyway?

• Can you 'accept' that the difficulty is happening, not deny it, and take baby steps to get through it?

Can you mindfully feel the emotion, in the moment, but not let the emotion become your state-of-being going forward?

This one takes more explanation, but essentially mindfulness teaches us that whatever we are feeling in the moment, it's OK to feel it. After all, we are human, and we will have emotions. Mindfulness does not try to deny our emotions.

But the point here is that we don't have to harbor our strong emotions and have it dominate our state of being going forward.

Here's a good example:

Situation: You've been having some unusual symptoms and you just had some medical tests done. The results are going to take a week before you will see the doctor for your results.

Let's say there are two main ways you can deal with it:

Option 1 - when your mind is on auto-pilot: You worry a lot, you feeling anxious and depressed about what the future may hold. You find it difficult to concentrate or even laugh at a joke. You're tense throughout the day and dreading the appointment with your doctor.

Option 2 - the mindful, 'being with what is' way: You think about it here and there, but you don't let this dominate your state-of-being. When you do think about it, you consciously bring your attention fully into the present moment to what you are doing, right here, right now. Perhaps you are taking the dog for a walk - you can feel the nature around you, you can marvel at the joy your dog brings to you, you can feel each footstep you take. Perhaps you are at the grocery store - you can be fully present and take notice of products that you don't normally notice. Essentially, you can carry on with your life and co-exist with the fact that you have the test result coming up, but you don't carry the anxiety of your upcoming test results with you all throughout the day. You don't let the emotion of anxiety be your main state of being.

Now, this does not imply that you can completely absolve yourself from some worry and thinking about your test results. But can you dial down that emotion of anxiety, even a little? The more you practice this, the easier it will become.

What recently struck me is that if we observe how babies exist with their emotions, they are very much in the moment, aren't they! If something is bothering them, they cry, they fuss. But the moment that irritant is gone, they are living in the present moment and might laugh at a funny face or marvel at a shiny object. They don't bring the baggage of a past experience with them into the present moment. Wow, can we relearn how to be childlike again? Wouldn't life be much more enjoyable?

I wish you good luck with this practice -- this is simple but not always easy. Why not give it a try and practice this for several days? I think it will help.

Warmly,

~Wendy Quan, Founder, The Calm Monkey

If you would like to explore having Wendy Quan speak to your group or community, please see my Speaking and Workshop page to explore the most popular topics. Thank you kindly.

#workplacemindfulness #mindfulness #meditation #dealingwithchange #resiliency